Tomorrow afternoon the offspring and I will be heading out on a tri-state road trip. The big kids and I have driven this particular stretch a dozen times and usually plow through all eleven hours at once. This time, however, will be a little different as the ball of never-ending energy just turned one and there is no possible way he would sit in a car that long. I'm planning on breaking the drive up into two days each way and arming myself with good music and yummy snacks to get us through with the same amount of sanity we are starting out with.
It's been too long since I added some new tunes to my collection and I'm really enjoying changing my playlist up a bit. Here's a very short list of some of my must-haves - some new, some old, all necessary:
1. The Weepies / Can't Go Back Now
2. Van Morrison / Into the Mystic
3. The Smiths / Rubber Ring
4. Ray Charles / You Are My Sunshine
5. Parlor Hawk / Every Bone
6. The Doors / Moonlight Drive
7. Other Lives / For 12
8. Drive-By Truckers / The Purgatory Line
9. Neil Young / Helpless
10. Mumford and Sons / Awake My Soul
11. Justin Townes Earle / One More Night in Brooklyn
12. Janis Joplin / Maybe
13. Fleet Foxes / Montezuma
14. The Decemberists / Eli the Barrow Boy
15. The Civil Wars / 20 Years
16. Bruce Springsteen / Nebraska
17. Amos Lee / Violin
18. Alexander / Glimpses
For the bellies: whipped cream cheese and homemade bagels / veggies and hummus / greek yogurt and granola / sandwich wraps in homemade spinach tortillas / bananas and grapes / santa fe trail mix
Monday, May 12, 2014
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Dreamer
A few years ago I had a conversation with a very important person in my life, a person whose opinion and support meant a great deal to me. I told this person about a secret dream of mine....to be a writer. As a young girl, while my girlfriends dreamt of being in the movies and riding horses, I would dream of writing - poems, novels, short stories, book reviews - anything that allowed me to translate the seemingly endless stream of thoughts that constantly flowed through my head. The older I got the more concrete this dream became and the more terrified I was to share it with anyone. I felt inadequate and afraid to expose myself. Which is why I never did.
When I finally confided my cherished dream with this person my greatest fear was realized. I was told that I was no writer. A real writer would have already been published, or at the very least written a book. I had been busy being a wife and mother, and all I had to show for my dream was.....well, nothing. I might like to write but I was not a writer. I didn't have the burning passion that real writers do, which is why my dream would always be just that - a dream.
This person's opinion crushed me. Even today, nearly six years later, I can't think back to that conversation without reliving the hurt and devastation I felt at hearing those words like it was yesterday. For years after I buried that part of myself and moved on. I started school and moved and got a job and had another baby. Periodically I would contribute to someone's blog or write a report for school, never allowing my mind to stray further than necessary. That door had closed - my silly, childish fantasy forgotten.
While I was pregnant with my third child I began thinking like a writer again. Every night as I lay in bed thinking over the day I would write down my thoughts in my head. The words seemed to flow and the dream was reignited. So much had changed since that previous conversation. I had changed. I was in the midst of making some very heavy, life-changing decisions and digging deep within to find out just who I was and what direction my life needed to take. I still wasn't ready to put my words down but just opening that door, that possibility, gave me strength.
I've been thinking about starting a blog for awhile now. I want to chronicle my thoughts and the wonderful life my children and I are creating together. I don't know how long I will blog for or how often. It doesn't matter what people have to say or even how many people read it.
I am going to write for me.
When I finally confided my cherished dream with this person my greatest fear was realized. I was told that I was no writer. A real writer would have already been published, or at the very least written a book. I had been busy being a wife and mother, and all I had to show for my dream was.....well, nothing. I might like to write but I was not a writer. I didn't have the burning passion that real writers do, which is why my dream would always be just that - a dream.
This person's opinion crushed me. Even today, nearly six years later, I can't think back to that conversation without reliving the hurt and devastation I felt at hearing those words like it was yesterday. For years after I buried that part of myself and moved on. I started school and moved and got a job and had another baby. Periodically I would contribute to someone's blog or write a report for school, never allowing my mind to stray further than necessary. That door had closed - my silly, childish fantasy forgotten.
While I was pregnant with my third child I began thinking like a writer again. Every night as I lay in bed thinking over the day I would write down my thoughts in my head. The words seemed to flow and the dream was reignited. So much had changed since that previous conversation. I had changed. I was in the midst of making some very heavy, life-changing decisions and digging deep within to find out just who I was and what direction my life needed to take. I still wasn't ready to put my words down but just opening that door, that possibility, gave me strength.
I've been thinking about starting a blog for awhile now. I want to chronicle my thoughts and the wonderful life my children and I are creating together. I don't know how long I will blog for or how often. It doesn't matter what people have to say or even how many people read it.
I am going to write for me.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Day 141
Dear Littles -
Here we are.
The last (almost) six months have passed by in a blur. I look at how the four of us have grown, individually and collectively, and a myriad of emotions pours over me. Innocence has been lost, trust shattered and bonds strengthened. A lifetime has passed in just a few short months. There were days I wasn't sure I could keep going - the darkness threatened to take over and I wanted nothing more than to give in to it. The anxiety and hurt and anger seemed to overwhelm me physically, mentally, and emotionally. In these moments each of you saved me in your own special way. I can't imagine life without you.
Somehow we made it - together and so much wiser and stronger than the day we started. Today peace and happiness have replaced the chaos that once controlled our lives. When I pause and take a few moments to reflect I can hardly recognize the people we used to be. I've seen our personalities flourish - free from the weight that held us down for so long - and I can't help but give thanks for every day that has led us to this one.
I came across a quote recently - Wherever you go, that's where you are. I posted this on my desk at work and look at it throughout the day. I don't think about the past much but when I do this helps remind me where my thoughts belong. While there are lessons to be learned from yesterday, there is nothing to be gained from dwelling on what has already taken place. Once that door is open it's easy to be consumed with bitterness at how things could have been. Our past only has as much control over us as we allow it to.
Our story is just beginning.
Love,
Mama
Here we are.
The last (almost) six months have passed by in a blur. I look at how the four of us have grown, individually and collectively, and a myriad of emotions pours over me. Innocence has been lost, trust shattered and bonds strengthened. A lifetime has passed in just a few short months. There were days I wasn't sure I could keep going - the darkness threatened to take over and I wanted nothing more than to give in to it. The anxiety and hurt and anger seemed to overwhelm me physically, mentally, and emotionally. In these moments each of you saved me in your own special way. I can't imagine life without you.
Somehow we made it - together and so much wiser and stronger than the day we started. Today peace and happiness have replaced the chaos that once controlled our lives. When I pause and take a few moments to reflect I can hardly recognize the people we used to be. I've seen our personalities flourish - free from the weight that held us down for so long - and I can't help but give thanks for every day that has led us to this one.
I came across a quote recently - Wherever you go, that's where you are. I posted this on my desk at work and look at it throughout the day. I don't think about the past much but when I do this helps remind me where my thoughts belong. While there are lessons to be learned from yesterday, there is nothing to be gained from dwelling on what has already taken place. Once that door is open it's easy to be consumed with bitterness at how things could have been. Our past only has as much control over us as we allow it to.
Our story is just beginning.
Love,
Mama
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